FINAL DESTINATION 5
Directed by: Steven Quale
Written by: Eric Heisserer and Jeffrey Reddick (characters)
Starring: Nicholas D’Agosto, Emma Bell, Miles Fisher, Ellen Wroe, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, P.J. Byrne, Arlen Escarpeta, Courtney B. Vance, David Koechner, and Tony Todd
If you have any interest in seeing another FINAL DESTINATION film, chances are you are not even remotely paying attention to what critics like myself will have to say about this fifth installment. With every sequel, the franchise’s title becomes more and more ironic. What’s even funnier is that even though the story beats never change, the elaborate death scenarios have to be topped, and somehow it manages to be pleasing. Softer than both the HOSTEL and SAW series combined, the violence in FINAL DESTINATION 5 is cartoony. None of it ever seems real or credible, but that nevertheless adds to the fun of the picture.
So far in the series we’ve seen premonitions of a plane crash, a traffic collision, a carnival ride breakdown, and an accident at a NASCAR race. In the fifth film, we are treated to an amazingly fantastical, over-the-top suspension bridge collapse that puts our eight heroes in peril. Sam (Nicholas D’Agosto), a corporate stooge by day, chef’s apprentice by night, and Molly (Emma Bell) are on the verge of breaking up when they are whisked off to a corporate retreat. Also waiting to board the bus are: Peter (played by Tom Cruise look-a-like Miles Fisher), Sam’s boss and friend; Candice (Ellen Wroe), an intern having a fling with Peter; Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood), the token office bad girl who is cattily feuding with Candice; Nathan (Arlen Escarpeta), the noble hearted plant manager; Dennis (David Koechner), the business manager; and lastly Isaac (P.J Byrne), whose “Farmer Ted” type character never becomes as endearing as the script wants him to be.
While on the bus, Sam pricks his finger, hears “Dust In The Wind,”and his terrifying ordeal begins. His bridge-collapse premonition is the film’s meaty, delicious entrée. The characters’ real death scenarios – while campy, amusing and squirm worthy – are the film’s delectable but low-fat desserts. They never quite have the impact they do in Sam’s vision. After Sam and crew make it off the bridge safely, an obligatory (i.e. useless) investigation is conducted by Agent Block (Courtney B. Vance). Since Sam had the premonition, he’s the illogical suspect – at least until high winds and shoddy construction are identified as the cause of the collapse. Duh! While at the funeral for the victims who didn’t make it off the chartered bus in time, series mainstay Bludworth (Tony Todd) warns our gang “Death doesn’t like to be cheated.”
And boy howdy it doesn’t! Just like that, the “lucky eight” get picked off one by one in (of course) the manner that the DESTINATION franchise is known for: Complex, innovative, and drawn out set ups that lead to some extraordinary demises. The camera lingers on the dead lifeless bodies of these kids, which allows for more laughter (our decompression device). The film makes a paranoid person like myself think, “What dangers could be lurking at a gymnastic center? A massage parlor? A doctor’s office?” Well, plenty! The filmmakers have bequeathed me with all new phobias (acupuncture, ever stepping foot on a factory floor), in addition to completely validating my old ones (LASIK).
The script by Eric Heisserer (2010’s A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET) does have its problems. Not only does it never go beyond the tried and true formula, when it does, the new conceit fails – such as the “new rule” of someone dying to take their place. Conventional man-on-man violence also takes away from the supernatural death tone of the tome. However, it’s still it’s an enjoyable time spent in the theater. Fans of the franchise will enjoy the very clever ending twist – only in retrospect will you be able to piece things together.
